Sunday, April 2, 2017

Eugoogly - The Luxy I knew

2017 is the suckiest year I have ever had.

It was this year that I have lost 2 close WoW friends, both guildies, both people who were respected and adored by other guildies.

First there was Xyn. That was sudden, unexpected and a shock. Suddenly I had a hole in my life and I hadn't really thought about how to fill it.

But this is about Luxy.


Last year, Luxy was diagnosed with breast cancer. She told me she had a lump and I had told her not to worry, in her young age (early 30s) it was most likely to be a fibroadenoma. I was wrong. It was malignant, aggressive and invasive. Yesterday my dear friend passed away in the early hours of the morning in her sleep, but had spent her last moments with her mum, sister and husband.

Luxy had cut back from WoW and after she was ill and having chemo she hardly logged on at all. In fact she didn't really play or raid as much during WoD, and had been playing Guild wars mostly. Once she started chemotherapy, she was tired and drained of energy and rarely played her computer, which was then followed by radiation therapy which she told me was just as hard.

Throughout, she had been very positive, and we would keep up with messages. We'd laugh about silly things. Just like our usual stuff. I sent her fake eyelashes and lip balms in a berry bag I bought from Smiggle as a cancer care pack. I was happy she used it (and it would pop up all over the place like a selfie)



I also gave her a light from Mylight (though technically she won it with lucky RNG-esus) with the word Eugoogly (which she said always makes her laugh). I remember having NO idea what it meant, and when she told me I was mortified!


For those who don't know Zoolander movie very well (like me!) it's from there. It means eulogy. Wow. I just gave a cancer patient a gift that says EULOGY.




I think some people were afraid to talk to her about her cancer for fear of upsetting her, for not knowing what to say, but she was happy to talk and be open about it. I remember last birthday I said I would send her something outrageous and unexpected that she totally doesn't need and she said she didn't know what she wanted for her birthday so we were being silly and I said let's make a list of things she didn't want for her birthday which included cancer (coz she already had that 😢😢), hair products and wig wash (another thing she already had).

But I don't want the whole post to be about Luxy and her cancer. That wasn't what defined her. She hated her cancer.

I'll just tell the story of my life with Luxy, which is peppered throughout my blog, as a forever reminder of our friendship.

I met Luxy in 2013, because of Pet battles. She was the #1 pet battler on Dath'remar and I'd see her around the pet battle circuit and one day she bnet friended me to talk to me because I was waving at her and emoting her (she was alliance) and she gave me tips on pet battling. Looking at that post, I didn't realise that whilst we were looking at Veluxia at #1 on server, Luxygaga is #6! Ha, back then I didn't know that was the same person!


One time we were doing Darkmoon Rabbit and she'd let me know when it was up, and the time I let her know it was up she came on her horde hunter (which was on Barthilas). And she won it with a 100 roll!


Weeks later, she sent me a gift!


So that was essentially our friendship. Trading gifts back and forth, chatting about things. Luxy was always very generous and giving me things, there wasn't much I could do in return because she has EVERYTHING in game! So I did the only thing I could do - I sent her things IRL as gifts. Luxy was happy to receive gifts (which was good because I like sending them) and she has a whole array of fluffy toys, in game pets, even horde leggings! She is and was a great friend who was generous with her time as well as with her spirit. Eventually she joined Frostwolves and she made lots of friends there, but especially with Crooked, Tacky and Faith.

One special gift I got for her was a chibi commission of her draenei priest, Veluxia, done by Sleepingfox.. She used it in her avatars and she loved it!



She and I wrote a comic blog together - The Faily Frostwolf - but after Luxy stopped playing we didn't update it very much. I'd like to start that up again - when I have the time. Luxy even was inspired to blog!

We loved pet battling. Here is me, Luxy and Tacky as we collected Qiraji guardlings (from Tacky's blog).


And Tacky's cool Team Rocket Pokemon team transmog! With these awesome pets we designed!



The cool thing being of course that MY wished for pet actually became a battle pet!

I even have short stories with us in them - like this one where we said goodbye to Dahahka as he quit WoW. She LOVED cats and dogs. She had a house full of pets! And she also loved Hello Kitty!

Time. I had time to tell Luxy all those things I wanted her to know before she died. I didn't have time with Xyn. I couldn't talk to her by that stage - she was too weak, too tired - but Rav, her husband (they married the day before she died in a beautiful ceremony) passed on all the messages we sent her and replied on her behalf. But even when I sent my last long message to her, I didn't realise that the next day she would be gone.

I will miss the friend that used to pet battle with me. Chase achievements. Talk about animals and pets. I will miss the friend that was always kind and gentle, and was always sweet and caring. She was never angry, never bitter, always trying to be the better and kinder person. Never had anything nasty to say about anyone. Always like a conscience to make me want to be better, when sometimes inside I would love to boil in my anger and take my frustrations out on people in PvP. A bit different to Xyn, who would listen to my frustrations and either argue with me and make me more angry, or agree with me and we'd feed off each other making us both all riled up about whatever indignation it was.

I will miss her voice, that I used to tease her about. She had one of those cute girl voices that you would hear and go OMG I would do anything for that voice, she sounds so sweet and innocent! And now I will never hear her voice again.

I had already gotten used to not seeing her in game, waiting till she got better. I saved her things - the last thing I gave her was the Fel Spreader toy that dropped in the Pre-Legion event. I spent ages farming them for guildies and I made sure I got one for Luxy because she was such a collector of toys, mounts, pets and achievements. She was happy and even posted a pic of us on twitter when I gave it to her!


There was a time in Pandaria where we'd go after raid farming Warbringers for mounts. Luxy and I would do it often, and we'd be joined by people and we liked that coz it was such a waste if a mount dropped that we already had! I found this picture of me, Xyn, Luxy and Voros on my blog one day, when we were out farming Warbringers.


We even wrote a comic about it!

How can I NOT cry when 2 of my friends in this picture are now dead within 3 months of one another?

I cried for days when Xyn died, but I was grateful I had nothing between us left unsaid. But I have been scared for Luxy since she came off chemo. I thought she would get better, I thought it would be early enough. The day she told me that she had her post scan and what the ultrasonographer said and that her oncology appointment got bumped forward urgently I was afraid. I shed a tear then, because I knew if the cancer had spread, this was the end. When she had symptoms a few days afterwards (and I did wonder if it was a bit of psychosomatic anxiety) I watched the video of me and Luxy dancing as Scotty sprites and tears welled in my eyes as I thought I might never get to play with her again.



She started chemo again and then not long after she said her tumours are still growing. I knew then it was bad. That she had 2 months at the most.

It turned out to be less than that.

I wanted to put this in because Luxy was so helpful to everyone but this comic showed the one time it wasn't that helpful!!


And here is Crooked, Tacky, Faith and me looking up at the stars in Dragon Soul. Luxy (and Rav) believed that we are all made of stardust, and that she and he were connected from long ago, and will be for an eternity. Rav said "She would tell me that her stardust has, and always will, love mine."

Our stardust will love you too, Luxy. And your friends in WoW will sit here looking at the stars, knowing you are out there and one day we will be all together again.


28 comments:

  1. Thank-you for posting this Navi. I'll miss Luxy a lot. I remember having so many adventures and haiclues and lots of other things with her.

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    1. I remember your haiclues and farming things. You should write a haiclue about her.

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  2. So sorry Navi, once again prayers for you the Frostwolves and Luxy's family.

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    1. Thank you for your thoughts Thor. She will be missed by everyone.

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  3. Thank you so much navi. We knew this day was coming yet nothing could prepare me for it, our friendship meant so much. It's so easy to get lost in the less pleasant memories of recent history, this will help me remember all the good times. Love you forever luxy.

    Fuck cancer.

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    1. As her closest friend it's been really great having you to talk to during the difficult times Crooky.

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  4. Oh, Navi. Oh, my dear Navi. Reading your post, I got all choked up and teary. My heart aches for you.

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    1. Thank you Kam. Remember the happy times too!

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  5. This is a beautiful post Navi about one very beautiful soul. I will treasure the times Luxy, Tacky, Crooky and I would party up and chat on vent all night. She too sent me pets in game. Finding she had a love for cats, I'd pretty much spam my wall and tag her in every cute floofy cat photo I saw. I laugh about that mylight...that is just amazing =D One of my most treasured memories is when I told her I felt like I rescued my kitten Muffin, but Luxy told me "Muffin rescued you" I will always treasure that. Gonna miss her so much.

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    1. She loved everyone that loved animals, but I know you and her and Crooked and Morz had the cat love thing!

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  6. There seems to be some kind of fate with me and you and your guild members. Quite a few years ago, I remember seeing Luxy on the pet battle realm list on wowprogress, so I 'amoryed' her and loved her transmog.. so copied it for my own shaman - that is now in your guild.

    My heart goes out to you and her family and this post of yours was really touching and beautiful.

    Crooked is right.. fuck cancer.

    Biggest of hugs
    Jade

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    1. You have your own health to worry about! Big hugs to you Foreva, and having you as part of our little family helps fill the holes that are left behind.

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  7. I'm so sorry Navi. I remember when you first met Luxy and we were all in awe of her pet collection. I'm with Luxy, we are all stardust and I'm definitely with Crooked, fuck cancer.

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    1. Thank you Ancient. I think Luxy would love to be remembered for her love of pets!

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  8. /hugs

    I'm sorry for your loss, Navi.

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    1. Thank you Redbeard. I know you once said that there isn't much to say but just your thoughts are enough.

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  9. She is going to be so missed. I was looking through my blog and almost everything I mentioned about Luxy was her being so kind and generous to me; gifting pets to me and helping me out. I'm so glad to have known her even though it was way too brief a time :(
    She was a truly beautiful person

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    1. That was Luxy through and through! I'm glad you got to know her and will remember her fondly.

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  10. Such a loss. I will always remember her fondly and her love of collecting. I'm glad we were able to gift a few pets to each other.

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    1. She will be so happy that you will remember her through the pet collecting. It is a terrible loss to the world.

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  11. so sorry for your loss. you have some awesome memories to hold onto <3

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    1. Thank you Spanky. Your advice on loss has been superb through this crappy year.

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  12. I think Luxy would be happy with such a loving Eugoogly.

    As you said, having had such a long time to ensure you could say what needed to be said at least lessens one thing from the pain of missing her. I am sorry for Rav's loss.

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    1. I hope she would laugh at my Eugoogly, since it made her laugh. She didn't want people to be sad but it's hard not to be.

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  13. Oh Navi, such a beautiful post, it has brought me to tears. I saw Gen the other day and she told me the sad news. I remember Luxy fondly as always so friendly and helpful. Big loves to you and all the Frostwolves xxx

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    1. Thanks Jez. Big hugs to you too since you are also a Frostwolf :)

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I hope these comments work! Not sure why people can't comment lately, it makes me sad :(