One thing that Xyn would have thought was nice was how the guild pulled together for the tragedy. I have had many whispers and offers of help that just thinking about those things has helped me when I was quietly feeling sorry for myself and the enormity of the having to shoulder guild responsibilities on my own. It's not TERRIBLE - after all, I've had to do that before - but the guild has changed a bit since then.
I worry about other guildies too. Those who did M+ with Xyn suddenly feel like that exciting part of their week was lost. The casual members that Xyn took on dungeons and made their week - that part was one of the nice surprises that I felt I had contributed to. Xyn had been getting so focussed on M+ and getting frustrated with some aspects that I told him to play with our casual members and he will remember how much fun it is just to play the game for the fun and not for the intense challenge.
I am not sure if it's because people are worried about me but I have been asked to do lots of things with guildies, which has been really nice. I don't think it was because I was purposely ignored before - just that I was usually busy. For the last week, my late night sleeping habits have flared up again and the night owls have been taking advantage of it and we've been doing runs late at night. I actually like that a lot, because it reminds me of challenge modes in Pandaria where my late night activities would not affect guild events or playing with guildies. However, with Perth guildies they have 3 extra hours of awake time so I can happily keep going till... cough... 2 or 3 am. /guiltyface
I had a lovely offer from one of my GM friends on another server to come and help tank and raid lead until we find someone to replace Xyn. I was stunned at that generous offer - he has his own guild runs to tank and organise! Fortunately, I have tanking covered. Splatz has offered to tank, and in the mean time, I have asked Kjersten to get ready to occasionally tank. He's one of the new guys and he's settled into guild quite nicely - mythic + tends to bring people together, I think. I did thank my friend though, it was SUCH a nice gesture, I really have no words to offer that could express my extreme gratitude.
Ultra is going to continue doing calls, and make strat suggestions. I asked Neuro to help too but he's having a bit of a WoW break - as I said previously, everyone deals with grief differently and I understand his coping strategy. He's not the only one who hasn't logged in much since Xyn's passing, so I expect a few people will still be avoiding WoW to avoid the pain. I've also asked Ram to help with healer calls a little bit (I would have asked Dil to help but I know Dil get's a bit focussed on his own tasks and is too quiet on Discord) and I've got Sev and Hk doing their usual stuff. HK himself is also really sad, but he's very quiet about it. Xyn and he were great tanking partners and he doesn't know if he can find that partnership again. I just encouraged him to be communicative - because he will not find that same partnership again but he can use what he learned from that to make new relationships which are just as good.
I have to get started on these darned Exorsus notes. It would be helpful if I could pull them all out of Xyn's computer, but that's not going to happen. Before last week, I had been shifting away from playing WoW at work (and instead, I've been browsing the internet and gumtree reading about chickens), but now I feel like blogging and doing WoW things again.
Playing WoW more has helped me with accepting life without Xyn. I have gone back to whispering quick hellos to everyone online in the morning (if I'm not AFK) and I still have tabs on who everyone in the guild is and their relationships to others - I feel like I have a purpose, a use, a direction. Xyn's friend Mauly has been great to chat to because like me, he actually wants to talk about Xyn, whereas most others feel like it's a topic to avoid because it makes people sad. I've already said that I know everyone copes with grief differently, and my way of coping is to talk about it. Crooked sent me a soundfile of Xyn talking and I listened to Dil's videos in Discord of some of his mythic plus runs with Xyn, as voices were recorded. Mauly wanted to listen too so I played it on my speakers and hearing Xyn's voice caught him a little, and there was one point where Xyn said something that was SO XYN that it brought tears to my eyes, but I was smiling as I remembered it.
Tonight is our first raid. We're gonna take it slow, and I have a good feeling about it. I don't expect everyone to be there because some may still be coping with their grief. But for those who need this to help them cope with theirs, I will be there. And I hope that many of my raiding guildies will be there for me.