Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Navimie's Guilty Confession: Sometimes I am not a team player

I had an encounter the other day, which was not particularly out of the ordinary, but it upset me, and I have been thinking about it a lot, and why it upset me.

People talk about how horrible people are in LFR but before there was LFR those horrible people were in random battlegrounds.  Battlegrounds can be full of self righteous selfish people - whether it is about getting the most killing blows, doing the most damage/healing, chasing down someone on the other team who killed them before in a retaliation... and they may ignore all the tactics of the BG for their own agenda. You get used to that.

Another thing that is particularly common is that the loudest complaining person will be someone who is the worst geared or doing the least damage.  I see that a lot too.  Usually they will be yelling about how terrible we all are, and it is SO tempting to reply with some retort, but instead try to reply as politely as possible that they should leave if they don't like the game.  And, funnily enough, it's often a rogue or a hunter.  I'm sure that's just a coincidence.  Not saying they are problem players, but for some reason, 80% of the time it is one of those two classes.

So I thought I would try and queue as a DPS just to try it out - my damage is horrible but I need practice but though I queued as both damage and heals, I got a healer role so after I zoned into the battleground, I was switching back to heals spec and healer PvP gear.  It was Temple of Kotmogu and I was the only healer at that time.   DK, rogue, shaman and mage were some of the other classes there and I hadn't put symbiosis on because I was hoping I could find a hunter to symbiose in case I had to carry the damn ball.

"Hey druid," said one of the rogues.  "Ever heard of symbiosis? I hear it's good."

I ignored him at first.  I don't have to explain my reasons for not using symbiosis to anyone.  He kept going.  "Hey druid.  You gonna learn to play? Do you know what symbiosis is?"


I got a little bit irritated. Ok, maybe a lot irritated. "It won't be for you," I replied. I should have not said anything.  That was my mistake. I should have said I had just boosted this toon to 90.  A little implausible for a druid in full 550 ilvl PvP gear but maybe it would have been an amusing thing to say. Probably better, I should just have ignored him. Yes, opening my mouth when grumpy is bad bad bad.

Another healer joined, a resto shaman and off we went.  I ran to the only person who got an orb, a shadow priest and healed them and myself as I tried to get away from the hunters who were burning us down.  One of the alliance orb carriers were killed and it was up close to me but I was really busy so I didn't pick it up, and another alliance grabbed it.

"Nice pick up fail druid," said the rogue.  That was it, I thought to myself.  Not healing that dickhead.

The game turned around later, and horde managed to hold 3 orbs, with me holding one, a monk with the other and the rogue with yet another.  I was having fun running around one of the low rectangular boxes which gave nice line-of-sight issues from enemies, dodging a warrior and healing myself and the other rogue kindly dispatched the warrior and I kept him alive as I threw some heals on the monk but none on the rogue. He might have gotten a splash heal from wild growth but I wasn't going to directly heal him.  He died without heals and he said "Druid, heard of healing?"

"I don't heal assholes," I replied.  Ugh, why did I do that, I should not have said anything!  But at the time, I was irritated as hell and I hoped he would just leave the battleground.

"Heard of winning? How about you do your job and heal people?" That sentence may have been censored by me somewhat but I had already decided not to answer anymore.  I concentrated on my own job healing and we caught up from our 500 point gap to be almost 100 between us.  I had by then used symbiosis on the DK but the alliance could smell victory and were rallying hard to keep us from catching them.  The monk was yelling at people to get orbs.  We were about to lose.  The rogue yelled at me a few more times like when I couldn't get to an orb, or when I died with an orb, or when I let him die again for whatever reason - there was a shaman there, he could have healed him, I figured.  I wasn't even paying attention to him by then.

"No thanks to the fail druid," said the rogue, as the last points ticked.  "GG"

I did a smiley face into the BG chat.  I wasn't going to say anything about his crappy damage for that fight.  Can't do damage when you're dead from no heals.

When the game ended, I thought what a waste of time that was.  I had forgotten I was honour capped so I didn't gain any honour from that BG.  Also, no win so no bonus either and no ticks towards any achievements.  I guess there were some honour kills.  At least that was something.

Then, I actually started feeling terrible.  Why was I feeling upset?  I complained to someone that I was feeling upset about it, and they told me that it's just BGs, and that always happens, why would I feel bad?  I thought maybe it was because I was being singled out and being personally picked on, rather than someone ranting at everyone in the BG.

Godmother wrote a post yesterday "You get what you give" and she said:
It really doesn't have to be about you all the time, or your needs, or the loot or achievements. Being selfless isn't hard and it is often its own reward, especially when you understand what can be achieved if you don't automatically always put yourself first.
And I think that was what was making me feel sick inside.  It wasn't because some idiot decided to personally pick on me - since when has that ever bothered me? It was because I put my personal vendetta ahead of the team and that may have caused the team to fail.  Maybe I could have won that BG if I had healed that rogue.  Then again we might still have lost.  Where are all my grand moral stands on team play and unity now?  How petty am I to just not heal someone because they're being a dick? Am I no better than those people who think they are too good for a group and cause a wipe just because I can?  I felt bad thinking that I was no better than the tank in Godmother's group who got pissed off for being kicked and pulled the boss to wipe the raid.

I thought about whether I would do that again - not heal someone just because they were annoying the hell out of me.  And the sad answer?  Yes, I would do it again.  Perhaps that makes me a bad person. But consider this - does healing someone who is being a dick make them more likely to continue to being a dick?  If I don't heal them, will it change anything - will it make them stop being a dick? The answer is no - it doesn't matter what I do, they'll still be an asswipe.  So why then should it make any difference if I heal them or not heal them when their behaviour doesn't change and healing them may actually benefit me by getting a win?

I think for me personally, I was hoping to make it less fun for THEM.  If you don't get healed, you can'd do damage.  If you don't do damage, you look gimp compared to everyone else.  If I had healed him and he had done superb damage because he'd been alive, that would have just been more ammunition in his cannon fodder to lord it over everyone else.  Crappy reasoning, I know.  But it's food for thought for me, on whether I should suck it up so that I don't punish everyone else with my personal ego issues.

27 comments:

  1. That's one thing I hated about random BGs was there was always someone that spent more time just running their mouth. I never tried Rated BGs, but that's one thing I missed from the PvP ladder in Vanilla that we formed our own group to grind with so we always had positive interaction in BGs. If he spent all his time typing he wasn't going to help you out anyways. I would have responded right away that I had just switched specs, but some people will always find a reason to be a jerk no matter what you say or do.

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    1. RBGs are different - maybe more like comparing flex to LFR. Groups are organised and if people aren't in line, they get kicked. But I was looking for a 20 minute diversion and instead I got a guilt trip!

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  2. I don't blame you for not healing them and shooting off a few remarks but we just have to remember to not sweat the small stuff. I know that's easier said than done sometimes.

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    1. I must have been in a foul mood. And I need to learn NOT to retort.

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  3. I had a similar situation the other night. I was playing my baby pally tank (she's ~ level 70) and my first tank so I'll admit I'm a little slow at pulling stuff in dungeons. Then again I'm always at the back of the pack no matter what the content is.
    Anyway, people kept pulling - mainly a squishy mage. At first, when it was just trash, I dealt with it but when they pulled a boss and died and then complained about the healing & my tanking I just couldn't help myself. I wasn't overly rude but I'll admit I was rather bitchy. And I basically vowed not to taunt off of them for the rest of the dungeon (other than AoE).
    At the end I didn't feel bad for the mage - I warned them and I guess they took that like a red rag to a bull. But I did feel bad for the healer who got a lot of flack for their healing when actually they did perfectly well given the lack of taunting. I even apologised to the healer but they seemed to have the same opinion of the mage and we're only healing them when it was vital.
    I honestly couldn't say I'll never do that again. One thing I do always abide by is letting the tanks pull (unless it's a genuine mistake) and I just wish everyone did. Still, I was a jerk to the rest of the group as a result of one person /sigh.

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    1. I hear you Jojo. I felt bad for the rest of the group, and it wasn't like I wasn't trying, I was, but just not healing that one person. But still, it was bitchy of me and I don't like being the asshole.

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  4. I don't think it's only you. On more than one occasion when I'm healing I've refused to heal someone in a dungeon who is pulling for the tank or otherwise being a jerk. In that case I usually am legitimately hoping that they'll learn from their mistakes if they don't get heals and die, but I don't know if they ever actually do or if I'm just telling myself that as an excuse to be vindictive.
    But sometimes I happen to be in vent with the tank and they're really annoyed over it and so all the time that person is dead due to lack of heals is time that my tank doesn't have to be irritated over their stupidity. I'm not sure if that's the best reason either, but there it is.
    I really can't blame you for handling it the way you did because I honestly can't say I'd have handled it a bit differently.

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    1. I guess we're all human! But, you make me feel better Plaidelf - not saying that it's good to be a bitch sometimes, but that I'm not the only one who suffers from momentary lapses of niceness.

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  5. I think I'm possibly a bad person, cause there are definitely times when I will stop healing someone or refuse to taunt off someone. If they keep doing the same things over and over, after being asked politely to stop. I'll often start ignoring them and pretend they're no longer in my group.

    I'm not saying it's the best thing to do. But we're only human. Sometimes we should be allowed to be petty and angry :P

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    1. I feel guilty for even being allowed to be petty and angry! :D But I know that if I was reading someone else doing what I had done, I would be saying what you said to them :) I would like to be a nice person all the time and turn that other cheek, but I'm not so saintly, even if I wish I could aspire to be!

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  6. I've NOT come across a healer yet that wouldn't have done what you did. I think the majority of healers are of a specific type ... they feel honour-bound to try their hardest to keep everyone alive ... sweating buckets, freaking out, feeling drained at the end of some runs ... but when someone else goes out of their way to be a bad team-member, then as far as I'm concerned they're no longer part of the team ..

    I do, however, give them a chance to redeem themselves .. I start off assuming that, rather than being an ass, they simply doesn't know what they're talking about. I'll politely point out where they are going wrong, the first time. The second time is their warning that, if it happens again, they're getting ignored. Anything after that, they're on their own.

    I live in hope that, one day, these people will have the penny drop and realise it was THEM .. and sort themselves out.

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    1. I think pride was pricking me. Omg that damned Sha! If he had whispered me about the symbiosis I might have been less prickly. But the way he said it in BG chat was rather derogatory and definitely not the friendly sort of helpful way which was why I was being childish in return. I doubt that he would get better over time, and maybe people like that will just get sick of the game and go away eventually! At least I have hope :D

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  7. Navi, no matter what you do, a bully will always be a bully and that creep was cyber bullying you. The best thing to do is put them on ignore and do the best you can.

    Ayelena

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    1. Thanks Ayel - but I do wish I had done better myself and "turned the other cheek". However, accepting abuse sometimes makes me feel like I'm justifying it, so I have to make a stand somewhere I guess!

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  8. I think you also have to remember Navi that you have been playing a very very long time, and turning the other cheek as often as we do in this game tends to just not do anything. I have vowed that whenever I see people being twats, I call them on it and I call them a bully or whatever. You know why? Because I don't let my husband talk down to me - why the HELL would I let a STRANGER!! Who I don't love and trust - there is never any excuse for their behaviour but if we all continue to do nothing cyber bullying (and normal bullying) will continue.

    I say next time it happens, defend yourself and the hundreds of other people too scared to do so, don't ever feel guilty for not healing some pixels on a screen. I am sure the hundreds of kids who kill themselves because of cyber bullying may have appreciated that sort of stand.

    xx
    Dragonray

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    1. Someone I admire greatly and aspire to be like said they would have healed them and I felt bad because I was afraid they would think poorly of me because I want to be a "good person" like them. The said thing is no matter what I do it would not change their behaviour, so is it better to do something for myself and gain something than to do a bad thing in return? it's a tough one!

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  9. How do people find time to talk smack in BGs anyway? If you're typing out trash talk you're not pushing your ability buttons or surveying the minimap getting a feel for overall strategy. I'll reply in very short sentences, but trash talk like that rogue - no wonder his damage was so low.

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    1. I haven't got time to talk except when I'm dead. And you're right, too much trash talk means not enough damage!

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  10. I have often said, and will always say, the players with the biggest mouths are usually the worst players. LFR is horrible, but there is less going on so it is easier to point out and notice but in BGs it is horrible because sometimes it is harder to really see.

    One of the reasons I do not run BGs is because of what you said. Either side you lose. Your own people being jackasses or the opponent being one of those jerks that has /spit macroed in every one of his abilities. Not sure why I dislike that, just do.

    I remember on one of my characters when doing the legendary part of the quest line I enlisted two guild mates that were also on the same part and said lets do it together. None of us were PvPers but I knew the BGs of course because I am a geek like that. I said lets work together and see if we can drive the group.

    It took us a few tries in the mines to get a group that would listen when I tried to make a plan. We lost every single time. Horde always wins (which is amazing you lost to begin with) battlegrounds. Every time someone would come out instantly with "look at the person with no PvP gear that thinks they know how to PvP" or "I am not listening to you, I do what I want." or my favorite "shut up noob, I was PvPing before you were an itch in your daddies crotch" or other things like that. We lost every.. single... time.

    The first group I said "fight in the circles, save knock backs for when the cart is going in, keep 5 on the short cart and 5 on whichever one is weakest, and we win" and did not get any smart talk back, we won. Oddly enough it was a landslide. Everyone listened, worked together, announced things, and of course 3 of us on voice chat working together, we won. Oddly enough, the group I won with was a group with no PvPers in it. The entire group was all of people on the legendary quest line. Maybe that is why they listened to me. They were lost and were probably glad someone told them what to do. We won, and we won convincingly.

    It is amazing that people still do not grasp the concept that if you are not a dick you have a better chance to win. If you work with people instead of against them, you have a better chance to win. And of course, if you roll horde, you have a better chance to win. ;)

    LFR might be bad, but BGs, and PvP in general, is worse by a mile. I will never get these people.

    I do not think you were wrong how you reacted. I would have still healed him because that is who I am. I would have went about it the other way. I would have healed him and then told him he sucked and he would have not made it without my heals because he does not know how to avoid damage if it came back up. I would have said, you can thank me now for carrying your sorry ass. People with his attitude should be banned from the game. Or at least banned from using group content. He is a cancer on the gaming community.

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    1. Spitting annoys the hell out of me too. It just seems so unsporting. I do agree Horde does tend to do well on mines (but this was Temple) and but I was just a little disappointed in myself because of my pouty behaviour. I should have just continued healing him but I don't know if I could have engaged in any conversation - usually too busy to anyway. I wish people like them weren't in the gaming community, but unfortunately the community is a bit of a bag of all sorts - sometimes those flavours you don't like are just in there anyway.

      Rolling horde is definitely NO WAY TO WIN when we do AV btw!!!

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    2. Have to let Alliance win AV, even a broken clock is right twice a day you know. ;)

      I usually try not to talk either. Every time I see someone saying something that is not actually required, like "inc lm", I think, if you spend as much time playing as you do chatting we might be winning.

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  11. That poor humble rogue, merely trying to help you be a better player through constructive criticism :P
    Now I understand the lack of heals I often received...
    The Tyrant
    PS Joking
    PPS I feel bad that I just wrote a PS to say joking

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    1. Geez Kyxyn! Such a rogue sympathiser :P

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  12. I can completely understand where you are coming from. I don't do a lot of BGs, but I am still doing a lot of LFRs for CM gear on various alts, and every now and then I seriously wonder why I read raid chat there. A lot of times I really want to respond in kind, but the few times I do I feel awful that I was such a jerk to someone. Now I just try as often as I can to go with friends so I can have company to joke with.
    But I likely would have tried to do the same thing, with healing. I often forget I am mad at someone and not healing them simply because it takes more energy to focus on that than to just heal as normal, but I rarely get that pissed off as well. Somewhere, someone wrote a really funny comment on healing priority, I'll have to find it and link it some time. I think if that every time someone says I don't heal them and giggle.
    Anyway, to summarize: we're human, people are jerks, and sometimes that adds up. I know my actions in not healing someone won't change their behavior, but it might make me feel better and not go off and rant at everyone else for 1 person being a jerk.

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    1. As a druid spash heals will hit anyway so it's not like I was totally ignoring him. If he was smart he would have stood in Efflo for more heals. But hey, it would have been my fault for not moving it to where he was standing anyway, right?

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  13. Whether he did or didn't do decent dps he was mouth flapper. He'd have picked on someone healed or not. As for you feeling bad about it afterward, well that's just an testament to your own good character but you know "don't sweat the small stuff" is mighty fine advice.

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    1. I just want to be the bigger person, ya know what I mean Starre? I know I shouldn't sweat the small stuff but I should try to be good in everything I do, no matter how small.

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I hope these comments work! Not sure why people can't comment lately, it makes me sad :(