Storytime - Scarlet Confessional Book

"I don't know how you do it, Navi," said Pancakestab.

"Do what?" I asked, popping a piece of chocolate in my mouth as I continued cataloguing the guild bank contents.

"How you can listen to everyone COMPLAINING all the time."

"The secret," I said, as I put aside twenty five stacks of Starlight Rose, "Is that only 10% of what is said is actually relevent. The rest is just noise. In the middle of the noise, you make agreement sounds, throw in the odd 'I see your point' and a few sighs."

"Wow, Navi," said Kjerstin. "So you're telling me that half the time you're not listening to what people are saying?"

I threw him a wry grin. "Probably closer to 70% of the time."

"HOW can you do that! You're the guild leader!"

"That's EXACTLY why I can do that."

Kjerstin folded his arms, a stern look in his eye. "What OTHER secrets are you hiding that we should know about?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. Ask me something."

Pancake stood up. "I have a better idea. Where's Amelior?" He sprinted out the door and vanished.

"I don't get that. Why does he have to cloak in Dalaran?" I turned my attention to the Dreamleaf and packed them into neat piles of two hundred.

"Probably to surprise Amelior. I bet you he's fallen asleep."

"If he's asleep he wouldn't see Pancake coming anyway. I suppose it's just another rogue thing." I frowned at the empty chocolate container and sighed.

"Hey!" said Pancake in my ear, as he appeared out of nowhere. I squealed a girly shriek as I fell back, clutching my chest, glaring at him as he collapsed in gales of laughter.

"CAKE! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!"

Amelior sat down next to me, yawning. "He woke me up, saying that we were playing confession time with Navi. What's he talking about?"

"Nav has secrets. We want to know them," said Kjerstin.

"Do you agree to this, Nav? To tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" Amelior took out a small red book, the Scarlet Confessional Book, ready to make me talk.

I shrugged, pondering what I secrets I had that I didn't want anyone to find out. Ohh wait, there was one...

As Amelior cast the spell, I could feel the urge to suddenly talk about everything and anything. The compulsion was so strong!

"Hey, Amelior," I said, "Did you know it upsets me that you out heal me when you play holy priest offspec that I feel like I should just not raid sometimes?"

Kjerstin and Pancake howled with laughter as I clapped my hand over my mouth. "Earthmother! I didn't mean to just blurt that out, sorry Amelior!"

Amelior laughed as he closed the book and slipped it back in his robes. "The spell lasts for 2 minutes, so if you guys want to know anything, you'd better get her to start talking."

"Navi," said Pancake. "You know Spoon's DK?"

"Yeah, Elfishpresley. Why what about him?"

"Do you remember he used to have a really bad name... Amelior and I have this theory - that someone in the guild reported him and forced him to change his name. Do you know anything about that?"

Oh oh. I could feel the urge to spill the beans bubbling up. I tried to deflect it. "What was his old name anyway?"

"It was Dixienormous," said Amelior. "We talked about it yesterday because we saw someone with an even more offensive name and wondered how come THAT name didn't get banned..."

"Now that was a funny story," I gushed. "I told him that I didn't like his name, but he didn't seem to care. And you remember how we were doing that Upper Kara Mythic plus and we were on the last boss and suddenly he went offline?"

"Yeah, we were all there, I remember that," said Pancake.

"We were just standing around and I thought, well I'm bored, I am going to report Spoon's name, and I literally did it just as we were opening the door. And suddenly he went offline. And he said 'Hey Nads, I just got flagged for a name change...' and I was like.... OH SHIT, was that because of me??"

"NO WAY! It was you?" said Kjerstin, his mouth agape.

"I was like, why would you get reported in the middle of the night? And inside I was thinking Holy crap that was me... and when Amelior said 'Well, it was probably reported ages ago and only now they're dealing with it,' I totally latched onto that and said 'Yeah, the Americans are probably waking up now or something,' trying to deflect the blame away from myself. But I never told him, I should tell him one day...."

Amelior, Pancake and Kjerstin howled with laughter. "Well, he's going to find out now!"

I smacked my hand to my head. "Well, I guess I did have a couple secrets after all! WHOOPSIES!"