Guildleader chores - Holding it all together

It's been almost 2 weeks now since Xyn's death and the dust is settling. Neuro didn't like the feel of the raid without Xyn so he is not raiding with us and looking around for something that will suit him, and Dil went to another guild to do some mythic raiding. Fielsa and Naesca left to find a guild with better raid times (since they're Kiwis our raid times were too late and I did worry about that) and Moisty has abandoned his rogue and picked up paladin to start doing some tanking. The fallout and upheaval wasn't as much as it could have been. Logical Navimie says it's ok and expected that people feel this way, and I fully support their decisions for whatever they do. It is the right thing to say and I whole heartedly believe it, and it's how I have always run the guild - play what you enjoy, stay here if you're happy, if we don't have what you need to make you happy please go elsewhere and find what does because happiness in the game is important to me. We play the game to enjoy it!

But heartbroken Navimie on the inside feels every loss as if it's a personal failure, because I can't be Xyn. I don't want to genderize it and say that the guys feel more comfortable talking to Xyn and the girls more comfortable talking to me because we both spoke to everyone, but Xyn had more of a teacher role talking about high reaching goals and aspirations, mixed in with his lecturing teacher voice when people were acting out of line, whereas I had more of a parenting/counseller kind of role where I would make sure everyone was fitting in ok, find out a bit more about the personal lives of each member and connect to them through that, and I would put on my parent voice when people were out of line.

I went through a small patch of feeling like I wasn't important and Xyn as the only important thing in the guild and I realised that it was a stupid thing to feel. I know that's not true. Lots of guildies have made effort to make sure I'm ok and have someone to talk to. It was selfish of me to feel like I need attention to help with the pain of loss when pouring the attention into others to make them feel included and important is just as therapeutic. I found that my guildies wanted to feel helpful and useful too, and it surprised me that even just talking to one of them about little things such as what was going on in guild, made them feel like they mattered to me, and to the guild. That they were part of something, which they always were, but being included felt... reassuring.

Two of my friends, both guild leaders of mythic guilds on other servers, offered their assistance with raiding which was SUCH a nice gesture. Interestingly, both of them play prot paladin, and though I thanked them profusely for their kind offers, I didn't need it but I did ask them about strats for bosses, so they didn't feel like their help was being totally rebuffed. If situations had been reversed, I would have offered them both the same assistance, and as friends, It was the same for them, I think. I can be proud and be independent and not need anything, but I think me just accepting any help from them helps them feel like the friendship we have is a meaningful one.

Late evenings are when I miss Xyn the most. That's when Xyn and I used to talk and debrief after everyone had gone to bed. Sometimes I think I'd like to tell each member of the guild all the great things and positive stuff that Xyn said about them because we did talk about everyone. I thought it would be nice if people heard what Xyn said about them - especially if it was nice - because then they would feel like they mattered to him. The only person I have done that with is Mauly, because Xyn was so enthusiastic about Mauly joining the guild and telling me what he was like and how they've been friends for so long that I felt that I couldn't help but be friends with him too. Mauly is not a high end raider, but they were both friends and guildies since Vanilla and even though they had a gap of contact for a couple of years they just picked up their friendship where it left off. I was worried that Mauly would leave after Xyn was gone but he told me that he wanted to stay because he would like to be around other people who knew Xyn so he could talk about him. I get that. I want to talk about Xyn too and I'm glad there is someone I can chat to who knew the same Xyn I did. Xyn was a different person to different people, but they were all Xyn, just different aspects of his interest and personality.

Doing world PvP sucks without Xyn there to save my ass. As prot pally he could hold his own but it was nice just to have someone to do it with. When groups from other guilds come up and whoop my ass I grumble to myself and think if Xyn was here we'd try our best to take out at least ONE of them! Doing it solo however, there ain't no chance of that!

At the end of the first week I was thinking how hard it was without having someone to talk to about guild direction and shenanigans. I do talk to the other officers, Sev and Hk, it's just that Xyn would argue back. Sev is great listener (though loves devil's advocate), and HK isn't much of a talker so sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a mirror rather than being wrestled with, and I do miss the wrestling. I think I might regret saying that.

However, at the end of this second week, I seem to have become more self reliant again, which is how I was during mid Siege of Orgrimmar in Mists of Pandaria. I had forgotten that there was a period where I was doing everything on my own, and slipping back into that has not been as hard as I thought. Typing strats sucks though. I was glad when Xyn had to do it and now I have to do it. My explanation of fights is basic at best, so I leave that for those whose understandings of mechanics and fights are better than mine and then I just dumb it all down so I can understand it.

The guild does move on though, like it does after any upheaval. And I am moving on too. I feel a bit guilty, because I feel as if moving forward means that Xyn didn't matter, that I could just put him behind me. My most pressing concerns at the moment are looking for healers, and I had some raiders tell me they will look into their offspecs, and another one telling me they're going to main switch at the next tier to priest, which I've amusingly embraced as something they need to do every tier, since this will be the third time they've switched toons for raiding.

I'll finish this post on something that made me feel chuffed! I was browsing the recruitment forums to see if there were any candidates that seemed a good fit for the guild, and one post by a shaman from December was about finding a raiding guild with a social side. She was a GM on a US server, but was from Queensland and was looking for something a bit more... oceanic. However, I noticed that almost 2 months had passed and the person still hadn't changed guilds so I assumed their situation had changed and they decided to stay on their server. She was a GM - perhaps she couldn't feel like she could leave their guild, which is something I can certainly understand. Anyway, I thought I'd find out a bit more about them and offer them a home if they ever changed their mind (of course, after I chatted to them to see if they would fit or not).

I managed to catch them online and found she was no longer looking for a guild, but I told her that's cool! I told her she could delete my btag anytime (because you know, she might feel awkward having me on there since I was only there to recruit), and if she changed her mind she could find me on Saurfang, horde side, from the guild Frostwolves. She said she head heard of the guild... and next thing you know, I found out she had read my blog occasionally. What are the chances! How cool was that! I was feeling pretty excited to find someone who had actually read my blog, and I was happy because if she did change her mind she knew exactly where to find me. And she said something to me that made me instantly like her.

"socials are the backbone of the guild - or they are here.. love my grumpy family too"

So I made a new friend :) And that always makes my day :)